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Wisdom teeth funnies

Yesterday, January 2nd, morning I got my five wisdom teeth taken out.  That’s right, I had five.  On the left side of my mouth I had an extra, I can’t remember if it was on the top or the bottom though.  It was the first time I was put on general anesthesia.  Apparently I really enjoy the sensation 🙂

This is the story, retold from my Mom telling me.

Before going to the surgeon, I took a ‘happy pill’ which started me off a little loopy.  When I sat down in the chair before they stuck me, I saw the unit next to me had a flat line and joked with the nurses about “well that’s not good”.  As soon as I was stuck, though, I was out for the count.

The surgery took about an hour, and all went fine.  When I woke up in the recovery room, I was really blurry (I only remember parts of this).  I remember seeing the blood pressure device on the wall and deciding that I needed to take my blood pressure.  I’m not sure how far I got before the nurse took it away from me.  But then I soon spotted a pen and decided my hand needed some art work.  I was able to draw a car before the nurse took it away from me.  By that time, they called my Mom back to the room where the doctor patted Mom on the back and said “Good luck, he’s a live one.” Hah.  And the nurse told my Mom that she had to take everything away from me that I could get my hands on.  I had other opinions telling Mom in more sorrowful tone that with regards to the nurse, “she doesn’t want to interact with me.”

After seeing Mom and asking her to take my picture, I was still not content.  I needed a new pen and asked for on.  The nurse told me I wasn’t allowed because I would draw on myself.  So I went to search for my own.  I got down on all fours and crawled around the room looking for another pen while the nurse, my Mom and anyone else who was around just watched and (I’m sure) laughed.  I finally got a pen and started drawing on a tissue that I got from a tissue box.  I drew a little scuba diver and a plane.  While the doctor was in the room, I made him guess what I drew on the paper until he got it right, the scuba diver.  He then told me that I wasn’t allowed to scuba for at least a week, at this I apparently got very sad.

It was soon time to go, though, and Mom handed me my shoes.  I couldn’t figure these out for the life of me.  I held them above my head and just stared at them, twisting my body trying to figure out what to do with it.  But eventually, I’m not sure how, I got my shoes on and was in somewhat ready state to leave.

Once in the car, I was freezing cold.  Mom says I was shivering so much.  Right across the street from the doctor is a Target.  I of course asked Mom if we could stop by the Target so I could get a blanket to warm up, and “soooooo soooft” pillows.  But of course, Mom said we had those things at home and we didn’t stop.

The entire time in the car I would burst out in random song with whatever Broadway musical was on the CD player and kept watching myself in the mirror.  I had blood all around my lips and kept telling Mom that “I look like a cannibal!”  I also complained that Melissa wouldn’t want to kiss me with blood on my mouth.  She informed me that I probably wouldn’t be doing much kissing tonight when Melissa came to visit, which my response was a sorrowful, “awwwwww pleeeeease? just a peck???”

Eventually we made it to the CVS drive-thru to pick up my pain meds.  We had to wait a little while because they didn’t have the perscription ready.  Every time the pharmacy girl came to the window I would lean forward in the seat with my bloody face, wave and say hi to the girl.  Of course my Mom is just laughing at me this entire time.  I also thought it would be better to go inside CVS instead of waiting in the car.  So I battled Mom with the locks and got my door open at one point, but Mom managed to keep me in.  I got pretty upset and told her that Dad would let me go inside, and I didn’t even have my cell phone to call him to tell on her for not letting me go into CVS.

Eventually I must’ve give up because I was tired.  I randomly said aloud, “SLEEPY sleepy sleepy” and then immediately fell asleep.  I think my Mom just stared in amazement not knowing what I was going to do next.  I said something in my dreams about “it not being there” and when I woke up, three minutes later, Mom asked me about “it”.  Apparently I was dreaming about wine tasting at Kroger.

At other points in the car I told Mom that “I flat lined” during the surgery (must have been thinking about the flat line before I got knocked out).  And I must’ve been enjoying myself because I also told her “I want to do this every week!”

Finally, we were home.  When we got in the house, I was worried about getting blood on my white tshirt, so Mom offered to go upstairs and get me a different shirt.  I wouldn’t have any of this though, I could do it on my own.  So I went upstairs telling Mom “I’m ok” but she went along.  I got a black tshirt and saw my snorkeling Curious George on my desk that I got for Christmas.  “GEORGE!!!!”  I grabbed him and started heading back to the stairs.  While Mom was holding my arm I told her “I’m ok, look I’ll run down the stairs!”  And this is where she kinda freaked a little bit I’m sure.  Somehow I made it down the stairs in one piece and stopped by the piano to show Mom once again “I’m ok”.  It took me a few moments and a few wrong notes but eventually I started hammering out a pretty solid Fur Elise (Beethoven).  With a still bloody mouth, I soon made my way to the couch which I haven’t left much in the past 24 hours.

My phone was sitting next to the couch where I left it that morning.  I picked it up and before turning on the screen, and said loudly, “let’s feel the love!”  I flipped on the screen and saw I had a missed call from my brother, Dan.  “Awwwwww, Dan!”  So I of course had to call him back and leave him a voicemail.  I think he called Mom as well, so she called him back with explanation after my phone call.  I also apparently called Melissa, but I don’t remember leaving the message that she later let me listen to.

And that about sums it up I believe.  I had Mom tell me everything I did again so I could write it down and write a blog post about it.  Everyone I’ve told so far has gotten a good laugh out of it, so I hope you get the same.  I haven’t really had any pain, and really no swelling, but I’m still taking it easy on the couch.  Lots of HGTV, History Channel and National Geographic.  Good times.

I’m thinking next time I go under general anesthesia, I’ll have a list of people wanting to pick me up afterward.  Maybe I can charge admission?

Comments

Mandy

i enjoyed hearing all about this the first time, but its even funnier the second time! i hope you have this surgery every week so i can get a good laugh 🙂

Bailey

This is damn funny. I never get to have this much fun because I pass out when I so much as see the I.V. needle.

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