Well recently I got an email from a “man” named Michael Dale.

Let me tell you a little bit about Michael Dale.  Well actually, let me quote his email and he will tell you a little bit about himself:

Bro. Michael Dale,The legal adviser to late Mr. Mike & Carol Hall, a God fearing and dedicated couple. They were very wealthy but had no child. They travelled to Patong-Thailand for Christmas holiday but met death on the 26th of December 2004 during the Tsunami disaster

HAH

I love spammers.  I love them so much that I just have to play along

After I replied to his first email, I did not expect a response.  But quickly my dear Michael replied and I had ourselves a conversation … for a little while.  Enjoy the copy pastes below:

From: “michaeldale@juno.com” <michaeldale@juno.com>
Date: Thu, 11 Mar 2010 15:39:46 GMT
To: michaeldale2uk@hotmail.com
Subject: How does a person become a born again Christian?

Dear in Christ,

This is a personal email directed to you and I request that it be treate=
d as such. God is a spirit, and they that worship him must worship him i=
n truth and in spirit. Based on this scripture, it became obvious that I=
should do the right thing if I must enter into the kingdom of God .

I am, Bro. Michael Dale,The legal adviser to late Mr. Mike & Carol Hall,=
a God fearing and dedicated couple. They were very wealthy but had no c=
hild. They travelled to Patong-Thailand for Christmas holiday but met de=
ath on the 26th of December 2004 during the Tsunami disaster (http://new=
s.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/4153821.stm).

As their legal adviser, before their death, the husband Mr. Mike Hall in=
structed me to write his WILL, because they had no child, he dedicated t=
heir wealth to God. They had a lot of landed properties houses Stocks/bo=
nds, etc.

According to the WILL, their assets should be given out to a ministry fo=
r the work of God. As their legal adviser, all the documents for the fun=
d that are deposited with the Vault Company are in my care. As a born ag=
ain Christian, I have been reading my bible and I have to do what is law=
ful and right in the sight of God by giving out the fund to the chosen m=
inistry for the purpose of God\'s work as instructed by the owners befor=
e there death. After my fasting and prayers Today, I asked God to make h=
is choice and direct me to an honest Christian or the chosen ministry th=
at deserves this fund by his Grace. I then came across your addresses on=
the Internet and decided to contact you.

However, before I proceed further, I will like you to answer the followi=
ng question(s).

1. According to John chapter one, Jesus Christ is what?

2. How does a person become a born again Christian?

3. Do you believe in the rapture of the church?

4. If you do believe in the rapture, then when will it come in relation =
to the tribulation?

5. At what point during the tribulation does the Battle of Armageddon ex=
plode?

6. If I would ask you for one Scripture above all others in the New Test=
ament that should identify you as being a brother in Christ, what would =
it be?

These questions should not offend you as all spiritual brothers and sist=
ers in Christ that have spent time in God's word do understand it.

May God bless you as you make up your mind to work for God.

Thanks.
Bro. Michael Dale.
Email: michaledalle@yahoo.com

My first reply is as follows:

Subject: Re: How does a person become a born again Christian?
From: Jason Pawlak <blog@pwlk.net>
To: "michaeldale@juno.com" <michaeldale@juno.com>, michaledalle@yahoo.com,
michaeldale2uk@hotmail.com

Dear Michael Dale (or is it Michale Dalle) -

Before I answer your questions, I would like to verify your credentials.
What qualifies you to be legal adviser to the late Mr. and Mrs. Hall? With
what organizations are you affiliated? Why is it that you listed three
different email addresses with two different names? Any why if this email
is directed to me, does it not list my name anywhere in the body?

How can I trust that this is no scam and that you are not trying to take
advantage of your fellow Christians?

Jason

I wasn't trying to be too polite or play along too much at first.  But then he actually replied and that's when I decided it was time to see where this could go.

From: Michael Dale <michaeldale2uk@hotmail.com>
To: <blog@pwlk.net>
Subject: The Peace of our Father in Heaven be with you.
Date: Fri, 12 Mar 2010 10:45:35 +0000
Dearest Jason,

Loving greetings in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ,I must say that your response is truly an evidence that your are capable of handling this project which will bring about joy and happiness to the Kingdom and I have no doubt in my mind that you will do what is right.

like I said in my previous mail,I am one of the Honorary Advisor of Churches Together in Britain and Ireland,England and also the legal adviser to late Mr. Mike & Carol Hall who where victims of the 26th of December 2004 during the Tsunami disaster (May their gentle souls rest in Peace). In line with their instructions, I am to distribute their wealth for the propagation of God's word. it was based on this I contacted you;

I got your contact details from an intensive search on the Internet for a God fearing person after days of prayer to God for whom will assist me in carrying out the wishes of Mr. Mike and Carol hall bearing in mind that I am also advanced in age. Therefore immediately I came across your website I knew by the ministration that yes you are the right person for this project and thus I contacted you.

So all you have to do now is to draw yourself closer to God and put everything in prayers and confidential so that you can be able to resist any form of temptations that Satan will want to throw at you this period.

Remain blessed in the vineyard of the Lord as I await your prompt response.

In Him always
Micheal Dale.
London,UK

NB The Name is MICHEAL DALE and the three different emails are mine.However at times to send email through a particuler one may be difficult due to net traffic and maybe my connection so I use the other.

Ok - Fine, don't answer any of my questions, but I'll reply.

Subject: Re: The Peace of our Father in Heaven be with you.
From: Jason Pawlak <blog@pwlk.net>
To: Michael Dale <michaeldale2uk@hotmail.com>

Michael -

So what you are saying is that if I draw myself closer to God and put
everything in prayers and confidential so that I can be able to resist any
form of temptations that Satan will want to throw at me this period I will
then be given money?

But Michael, how can such good fortune be true?

Jason

And finally! Here comes the punch line.  My dear friend Michael puts the boat out in the water and starts phishing.

From: Michael Dale <michaeldale2uk@hotmail.com>
To: <blog@pwlk.net>
Subject: RE: The Peace of our Father in Heaven be with you.
Date: Fri, 12 Mar 2010 16:19:25 +0000

Dearest Jason,

Loving greetings in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, Your mail is well received and I very much understand your mail.

However,I want you to know that there in no need for you to be suspicious and everything I have told you are very true and if you want,I can invite you at my expense to fly to the UK so we can meet in person and together fill all needed documents to transfer of the estate to you.

I have also Attached to this mail a copy of the Final Will and Testament of the Halls regarding the estate and I want you to go through it carefully and take notes then destroy it as no one apart from me is supposed to see it but since you are a true Christian and knowing your confidentiality in this matter I am sending it to you not only as proof but for you to see that the integral part of the dying wish of the Halls was for the estate to be released to a God fearing Christian just like you.

I also know that our Father in Heaven has seen your heart and knowing that you are an upright person who is dedicated to his work and that is why this estate of the Halls is being directed to you. Therefore I have no doubt in my mind that you will do what is right according to the wishes of my late clients, Mr and Mrs Carol Hall.

So you just put everything into prayers and have TRUST,BELIEVE and have FAITH and I assure you that everything is going to be fine.

Their bank as their finance mangers has disposed of all their assets in line with the instructions they gave. Everything came to a total of Four Million Seven Hundred Thousand British Pounds Sterling.The money is currently being held in trust by the bank and they have mandated me to forward to them information on how I wish the fund dispersed.

Now for us to proceed, and for you to collect the estate without any hitch. I will need to make some Documentation changes that is making you the beneficiary of the fund.And for this to be successfully done,I will require the following.

I will need you to send me by E-mail your complete name and address, I will also want you to send me your telephone and fax numbers for alternative communication.

These aforementioned information will be used by used by me to go to the High Court of Justice to secure you the relevant documentation in your favour.These documents include a Sworn Affidavit in your favour, a Certificate of Legality.

It is these documents that will make you the legal beneficiary of the fund and cause the bank to open communication with you on the modalities of transfer. These documents are very vital as without them the funds will not be released to you by the Finance firm where it is currently been held as you will have to provide copies to them before they can release the funds to you without any troubles.On this note, I will be very happy if you could send me these information's as soon as possible so that I can facilitate things and hopefully by the grace of the Almighty God on or before next week the funds will be with you.

Once again always remember that this project requires absolute confidentiality and as such I want you to give it all the secrecy that it deserves. Feel free to call me as soon as you receive this mail on my direct line +44-7024025883 for further clarifications its very important. Remain blessed in the vineyard of the Lord as I await your prompt response.

In Him always
Michael Dale.
London,UK

Here are attachments of the "will" he gave me:

Not to bad of phishing all things considered.  But still it is a start.  At this I decided to make a request that would probably end the conversation (and so far, it has).  This is my last reply to him.  It was two days ago that I sent this message, and previously he had been so prompt!  I guess my friend Michael has decided to move on.

Subject: Re: The Peace of our Father in Heaven be with you.
From: Jason Pawlak <blog@pwlk.net>
To: Michael Dale <michaeldale2uk@hotmail.com>

Hello Michael -

Thank you for such prompt replies. You are quickly gaining my trust.
Please understand my concerns as now in the year 2010 there are many people
who would do such an evil thing as put on the facade of a Christian only to
do harm to you. This is much like the Taliban that my country is at war
with. They mask themselves as ordinary citizens only to put fellow citizens
in harms way. They are cowardly as is anyone who puts others in danger in
place of themselves.

However, due to the grand nature of this conversation, I do ask one more
favor in return for my cooperation. It might seem an odd request, but
please understand that I only ask this in attempt to completely verify the
validity of our conversation. You appear to be an upstanding man who has
complete and honest intentions, and I would like to assist you if you so
wish.

My request is that you take a picture of yourself from the waist up holding
a piece of paper that has my website address written on it:

http://www.pwlk.net.

I do this so that I know you are truthful and honest in your claims.

Best regards,
Jason

[ http://www.pwlk.net

I guess my phishing friend has bid me farewell.  If not, I guess I just broke the confidentiality agreement ... so much for my millions.

Hope you enjoyed

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Genius!  Unfortunately, pyramid schemes are illegal in the United States

“Both Ponzi schemes and pyramids are quite seductive because they may be able to deliver a high rate of return to a few early investors for a short period of time. Yet, both pyramid and Ponzi schemes are illegal because they inevitably must fall apart. No program can recruit new members forever.”

(via http://www.ftc.gov/speeches/other/dvimf16.shtm)

If only pyramid schemes weren’t illegal, I would have a great working scheme … err … company to go with.  I think the pitfall of these pyramid schemes is that they charge too much as an enrollment fee.  If an “investor” is recruited and spends $1,000 or even $20, that is a chunk of change that would be missed.  My idea is something of an affordable pyramid scheme.  What if enrollment was simply $1.  Then a 5 year old could enroll and start getting recruits without breaking the bank.

Now I know the downfall of this system is that it lacks the “get rich quick” luster that others might hold.  But think about it for a moment.  I bet I could much more quickly find 1,000 people willing to give me a dollar compared to one person willing to give me 1,000.

Taking this affordable pyramid concept a little further, what if the enrollment fee was completely flexible dependent on the recruiter?  If a recruiter can set the enrollment price, that all of a sudden creates competition for goods (the goods being a return on your investment).  Then, a person who is already a member of the company would able to buy in under other recruiters when the rates are good and then try and recruit others for a larger profit than he or she paid as the enrollment fee.  When demand goes up, so do the enrollment fees, and when people slack off and demand falls, so do the enrollment fees.

By golly … I think this plan might just work! … wait … whoops, I think I just described Wall Street

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Lately I have been thinking about not just the purpose, but also the type of person that is a bathroom concierge.  I doubt there has ever been a little girl or little boy that looks up at his or her parents, with stars in their eyes … dreams in the minds … goals ready to be had … and states: “When I grow up, I want to give people towels, mints, and mouthwash after they poop!”

At what point of unemployment does a person just give up all hope and dignity and volunteer to stand in a bathroom, listening to certain sounds, and taking scent of certain smells, only to have a basket on the bathroom counter for where people will place their coins and dollar bills?  Does the job description sound better or worse than a homeless person?  Well, at least the homeless get to pick which corner … and if they take a squat behind a park bench, they can move on to a different area instead of setting up camp 5 feet away.

Maybe there is a certain level of social “class” where a bathroom concierge is found to be acceptable — rather, there is a need for someone to hand you a towel and wish you good day as you pull your pants up.  Perhaps initially the bathroom concierge was there to make sure everyone was zipping up their zippers as to avoid potential humiliation.  Or maybe the reason is for people that typically (and disgustingly) skip the second part of using the restroom, washing their hands, and making them feel obligated to visit the sink and use soap (not just water), as they would have been “caught in the action” of not washing their hands.

Really the concept of a bathroom concierge is a mystery to me.

I just do not understand the level of laziness someone must have taken on when they decided that, wow … sometimes after using the bathroom, “I am so winded and tired that I can not even reach up for a towel to dry my hands.”  Or, “Wow I really needed to pee … now if only I had a mint!”

If I were a bathroom concierge, I would make a bit of entertainment out of it.  When a person comes from a stall after an extended stay and is surprised to see a stranger, offering them a mint and towel, I’d get a big smile on my face and say, “Oh I bet you feel better after that!”  Or if someone is really going to town in a stall, I’d show my support for the bathroom team and chant, “You can do it!”  Or even if it is a line of guys all leaving the bathroom at the same time, I’d hold my hand down low, hunched slightly and say, “Good job, good job, good job, good job” just to see how people would react.

I know the bathroom concierge are suppose to represent class.  And I am all about having the “full experience” of service when going to a classy restaurant.  But believe me, once I step away from the table with an urge to relieve myself … I got it, don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself.

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I have heard this argument countless times (something about drinking age … )

Anyway, instead of arguing at what age the general population is ‘old enough’ to take part in certain events, I bring up another measurement other than age.  To do certain things like smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, drive a car, enlist in the military you need a certain level of maturity.  So in fact what our society is doing is measuring maturity by age.  I must ask, in what world did this ever make sense?

I propose that we as the United States of America implement ‘maturity points’.  You see, these points attach to your identification (Social Security Number or eventual Universal Identification) and give you and others around an idea on how mature you are.  It is kind of like a credit check for your person.

As you move through life, you gain points or lose points based on your actions.  At each birthday you would be given points, because let’s face it, as you do get older, generally you do become a bit more mature.  But if the only time you receive points is on your birthdays, you would most likely not be able to drive a car at 16 years of age, or start drinking alcohol at whatever minimum age is set.  You would have to accomplish other events to gain points.

Below is a list of events that could happen that would cause you to gain maturity points:

• Have birthdays
• Graduate high school
• Enroll in undergraduate studies
• Enroll in graduate studies
• Obtain degrees
• Own a car
• Own a house
• Pay bills on time
• Volunteer for community service
• Hold a job for certain lengths of time
• Get annual doctor check ups (Only if everyone has health care made available to them)

And now is a list of events that could happen that would cause you to lose maturity points:

• Get in a car accident that is your fault
• Get a DUI
• Get arrested
• Late payments on bills

Now notice what is on the list for negative maturity points.  This system isn’t forcing everyone to do items on the positive maturity point list.  If it were, not visiting the doctor annually for checkups would get negative points.  But that is not the purpose of the system.  A person would and should be able to live quite contently right down the middle.  They may not get to drive as early as someone who volunteers a lot, but they would still get to the driving point level in fair time.

There would also need to be minimum ages allowable.  This is where the system would have the potential to be too much like the current day setup.  If the minimum is set at 16 for driving, 18 for smoking and 21 for drinking, then the system hasn’t changed much other than punishing people by making them wait longer.  It needs to go both ways.  I think good minimums would be as follows:

• Driving: 16
• Smoking: 17
• Drinking: 17
• Military: 18

That is a small list of age limited events that we currently have.  I believe driving should remain the same because 16 is young enough.  The kid needs to be able to see over the steering wheel, do they not?  I believe there is a lot of responsibility that comes with driving a vehicle.  You must be responsible for your own safety as well as those around you, which is why I think only a year for the minimum age would be needed for drinking and smoking.  And remember, this is just the minimum age, so only those that are going above and beyond their normal kid duties and volunteering a lot or the such would be ‘eligible’ at that age.  Now 17 is a good age because most kids are seniors in high school.  That means that those kids that are ‘eligible’ would still be living at home under the supervision of their parents while they first started experimenting with these substances.  And 18 should be the minimum for military always because that is the age where kids have had the opportunity to graduate with a high school degree and no temptation of running off and joining the military.

I think my system is pretty sound and very straightforward.  It would receive a huge amount of push back from the nations community because it is the mindset of too many that there are certain rights that we deserve, for no other reason than we know how to take a breath of air, eat food, slurp water and wake up in the morning.  Just because you can shovel food into your mouth does not make you mature enough to make responsible decisions.

Holding a person accountable to be more than just an age is not asking very much, seriously.

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Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

Happy Tuesday!

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Monday:
Sitting at my desk /
Not quite sure how I got here /
It must be Monday

Tuesday:
The week is still young /
The weekend scent is fading /
Today is Tuesday

Wednesday:
Middle of the week /
Two days gone, two days to go /
Ready, set, Wednesday!

Thursday:
Office mood has changed /
Payday and a light ahead /
Oh happy Thursday!

Friday:
Smiles all around /
Everyone wears jeans all day /
T-G-I-Friday!!!!

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You know that the faucet isn’t broken, as you just moments before witnessed it doing the job it was designed to do. The basin of the sink is still wet with water droplets that have yet to find their way to the drain. This can be quite the traumatic experience. You see little reflections of your hands in the water droplets as they slowly roll towards the dark circle, almost as if they are jeering you … “Nah nah, we see your hands, but the faucet doesn’t!” right before they take the plunge and disappear out of sight.

This unfortunate series of events can make you question your being. “The last guy got water … why is there no water for me? My hands are in the same place. I am standing right here. I see myself in the mirror. The sensor should see my hands! Who is telling the truth, the mirror or the sensor? Do I even exist?!?”

After a few moments of sweat beading on your forehead, the nervous tremors subside, but the silence of no running water deafens the cool, should be echoing, porcelain paradise.  A peace comes over you. You realize that your sense of self is not justified by a sensor on an automatic water faucet, but by the actions you commit. You realize you truly are a good person. After exiting the bathroom stall, you came over to use the sink and clean your hands. Not everyone does that (yuck). You question, “Why do these terrible things happen to good people?”

A little more self aware and sedate, but still standing hunched over the sink, hands cupped in front, under the faucet, ready to receive the water like receiving the body of Christ, your memory clicks and remembers that yes, you did hear the toilet in the stall flush behind you when exiting. The sensor in the stall did recognize that you were leaving and did the job that you and all who follow hope it does. Although still a little timid about the faucet in front of which you stand, you eye the sinks on either side. You feel a little twinge of guilt as you start entertaining the thought of switching sinks alongside the beginnings of an inevitable sense of defeat that will follow.

However, as your fingers twitch in preparation for the transition, something happens that catches you by surprise. Water starts to trickle down from the faucet onto your hands, making a small puddle in your still cupped palms. Staring down at the newly born droplets of water that splash the sink basin, a smile takes over your face and you feel a sense of pride that is somehow justified but not quite understandable. You have overcome the automatic hands free water dispensing faucet and it has done your bidding.

After soaping your hands and rinsing them clean. You remove your hands and move towards the paper towels feeling prideful for not giving up. Victory! The faucet has stopped its supply of water and all is silent and still in the bathroom as it was before. In front of the paper towel dispenser you are carefree once again and wave your hand by the electronic eye … Silence

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What a deflating moment.

Typically, when waiting in line to shake someone’s hand, the act of shaking this person’s hand is not a normal occurrence.  Generally, anytime you wait in a line, there is something at the end of the line that makes your waste of minutes doing nothing but standing and making small talk worthwhile.  If you are at an amusement park, you might wait in a 2-hour line just to ride a roller coaster.  While at the grocery you wait in line at the checkout so you can have food on the table.  When waiting in line with the elevator music and repetitive “Your call is important to us…” bull honky for customer support on the phone, you are hoping that the eventual person on the other end of the phone-line will be able to fix your problems.  People just do not wait in line for the fun of it.

But when waiting in line to shake someone’s hand, and at that moment you finally make your way up front, and have a 1-on-1 moment with this important individual, that moment in time where this figure should have nothing else in mind other than the fact that they are shaking your hand, showing you respect by a physical greeting, and you see that they are already looking on to who the next hand will be, well that there is just contradictory and ends in disappointment.

When I shake someone’s hand, it is generally a friendly greeting.  In a work setting, it might be for the reason that I have never met the person prior, or I am thanking them for work they have done.  I shake their hand to be on the same level.  I make eye contact throughout the handshake to show appreciation for the handshake.  If a person I am shaking hands with does not return the eye contact, that means I am just another hand to them.  It does not matter that I am the person the hand is attached to and it does not matter what I have done, I am just more fingers and flesh to be shaken.

OK, rant over.  Maybe I put too much thought and weight into the concept of a handshake, or maybe other people don’t put in enough.  But I guess that is what makes it a pet peeve.

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I believe our society has lowered the standards of professionalism and politeness when it comes to relating with other people.  Today, I went through the Drive Thru at an Arby’s by my house around 1pm, just after lunch time.  I ordered a Bacon and Turkey sandwich that would most likely not be pre-made.  After driving up to the window and paying with a credit card, I sat there staring out the windshield for a minute.  At about the time I was starting to notice the wait time, the kid in the window pops out again and asks me, “Sir, would you like a water while you wait for your food?”

I was floored.

After accepting the offer, I sat there dumbfounded at the thoughtful act.  I barely had time to take a sip after that before my food came out, but that was besides the point.  While driving away, slurping happily on my not just free (as it usually is) but freely offered water, I thought to myself how unusual that experience really was.  While the kid could have hid behind his window until my food was ready, he practiced amazing customer service and offered me something to make my experience more pleasant.  Whether the thought was his own or from a manager standing by, I will never know, but what I do know now is that I have an appreciation for that Arby’s location.

Typically when pulling through a drive thru there is very little personal interaction with the face behind the window.  Exchange of money and of items, then you are on your way.  Forgetting the face as soon as your tires pull out of the parking lot.

Typically when going through the check out of a retail store the cashier might ask you: “were you able to find everything?” Where, whether you found everything or not, the typical (programmed) response is “Yes”.  The cashier would then tell you: “Have a good night” when leaving, but beyond that, rare is it that there is personal interaction.

After these experiences you leave the store or the restaurant not happy, not upset, but impartial.  Minutes after you have left these locations, I would be willing to bet money that you do not remember the faces of those employees you ‘interacted’ with.

What if things were different?  What if the level of customer service at all these places was increased?  It wouldn’t take much effort by the employee.  At the drive thru, what if the face behind the window took notice of your wait and offered you a cup of water?  What if the cashier who is already going through all of your purchases (which if you really think about it, is a very personal experience) made note of the chili sauce that you are purchasing and made a comment about absolutely loving chili with a certain spice?  These small moments would culminate to people leaving those stores and restaurants not thinking about their next destination, or that they are running late, or that they should really be eating healthier than drive thru, but of the remark that the employee made.

My experience at Arby’s was so unTypical that I spent the entire car ride back to work thinking about that simple act of customer service.

I personally like to pick out something about the area or person when I am either waiting in line or talking to a person that I am paying for food or a service, just to make short small talk.  I know from my time working at an amusement park that this is probably very annoying to the individual who I am attempting to make small talk with, as I am sure countless others have tried the same small talk by pointing out the same thing.  But flip the roles around and have that individual make small talk with me.  They could point out the exact same thing to talk about with each of their customers, and since all their customers aren’t the same, we as customers would never know!  They don’t have to get annoyed by the small talk, but in turn switch the roles and have the small talk work for them.

Whoever knew that one trip to Arby’s could bring about so many thoughts and words?!?  I do plan on going to the Arby’s website and mentioning the profoundness of my experience today.

In other news, my Skittles bag just told me: “Congratulations, you’ve won a prepaid debit card worth $50!”  What a good day

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Today, this morning, around 8:45 am Eastern Standard Time, I filled my water bottle up with the hands-free automatic water dispenser all the way from bottom to top without the water ever turning off.

It was fantastic!

For so long I have been taking my water bottle into the break room each morning after arriving at the office. Sleepily I unscrew the black plastic lid and let it hang to the side of the translucent green ‘LIFELINE’ liter sized water bottle as I make my way to the giant silver beast that is our water dispenser. I do not understand why a machine that has the sole purpose of dispensing ice and water has to be just as large as our GINORMOUS industrial refrigerator. And each morning as I place the water bottle under the touch free water dispenser, I concentrate. “Do not move the bottle…” I tell myself as the quarter-inch diameter stream of water sloshes into the empty bottle. “The water is flowing… do not move the bottle… this is the time… do not move the bottle… this is the…” and that’s when the inevitable occurs. With no apologies of any sorts, the machine cuts off my stream of water. And then to add insult to dehydration, when I do get the water to start flowing back into the water bottle, it splashes whatever was in there before onto my hand or long sleeves.

Now I trust the machine. I am sure that it does not lie and I did indeed move the water bottle a percent of a percent of a millimeter, which caused the electronic eye to think that I was done. But it is such a letdown, and right at the beginning of the work day as well!

I have tried seemingly everything to keep the stream running. Set the bottom of the water bottle on the metal grate, no water. Push the side of the water bottle up against the electronic eye so it must know that the water should be flowing, no water. It just never makes sense.

Today was the day though. Where the metal grate base meets the silver skin of the beast is a little indent, the sweet spot. I set the bottom against the indent and applied a little pressure to keep the water bottle in place. And the water flowed! With the helping support and cooperation of the beast the water bottle slowing started filling. 100mL … 200mL … 300mL … and it kept rising! The water level crept past lines, making its way to the ultimate goal of 1000mL. At about 700mL I started to get really nervous. “Is this the day? I don’t know if I am ready for this?” Past 850mL I think my hands started to shake a little bit. Passing 900mL my palms were getting sweaty and I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on! The last 100mL seemed to take half a lifetime. As the line crept past the 1000mL mark I thought about giving a chant of joy, but decided to restrain myself. Instead, I had the biggest smile. I started off the morning with a great accomplishment. Before removing the water bottle from the now tamed beast’s electronic eye, I thought about savoring the moment even longer and letting the cold refreshing water overrun the mouth of the water bottle. But I had made my peace with the beast. I had it tamed and knew its secrets. Long gone were the days where I would be outsmarted each and every morning.

Today is going to be a good day!

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