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Fast (Food) Gratification

After a recent trip to our nearest fast food joint … Arby’s, I realized that they really must not understand why people go to Fast Food.

Sure the turkey melts and junior roast beef sandwiches all came out quick … and sure the line to order was smooth and painless … but turns out beyond the goodness that this particular node of Arby’s was, there is a deep level of misunderstanding at corporate Arby’s.

People go eat Fast Food, not because the food is great.

People go eat Fast Food, not because the service is superior.

People go eat Fast Food, not because of the welcoming atmosphere (note: unless it is Chick fil A, because they have ALL the before mentioned).

People go to Fast Food for the fast/instant gratification!  They want their bellies (and their kids) to stop grumbling as quick as possible.

So where did Arby’s go wrong?

It’s called … Arby Jr. Build a Bobble Bull (we’ll stick with BBB).

BBB is a complicated origami of sorts … not a child’s play thing!  Any kid’s meal toy that comes with instructions that you actually need to use … is not winning in my book.

“Punch out pieces carefully”

First off, no kid is going to do anything with paper carefully.  Kiddo see’s Mommy doing this and immediately has an intense and burning desire to render assistance.

“Insert tabs A-D into matching slots to form body”

Assuming no random limbs and appendages were ripped from the bull or bull rider during the previous step, you now just gave me four sub steps to an already overly complicated process.  Kiddo is now reaching and starting to get upset as Mommy starts to sweat looking for the proper corresponding small printed letter.

“Insert tabs E and F into matching slots to attach head to body”

Where did the head go?  Wait the bull’s head or the bull rider’s head?  Kiddo now has a hold of Mommy’s head…

“Insert tabs G and H on Arby Jr into matching slots on body”

Ok, we’re onto the bull rider who is apparently named Arby Jr … at least something in this mess is still smiling.

“Insert tabs I and J on legs into matching slots to form legs”

Huh?  Get legs to form legs.  Kiddo has now gone full crazy reaching for the delicate half finished BBB…

“Place the body over the legs”

The end is in sight, I see where the bobble is coming into play.  There are chunks of hair missing from Mommy’s head and Kiddo has a crazed look on her face.  Mommy’s head is starting to bobble as she squints to make out the last few words in the instructions.

“Giddy up!”

… yeah …

Arby’s was one for two on the toys.  A set of bull horns to play ring toss was in the other bag.  Now that toy meets expectations.  Simple, four pieces with no instructions needed, and it fails miserably because the moment a ring touches it, it falls over … just as expected from a kid’s meal toy!

No frills, no fuss, and eh-so-so food … that’s the recipe for Fast Food success!

And yes, in the time it has taken to write this post, I fear our good man Arby Jr has ridden his last rodeo.  Maybe I’ll go get a replacement, I sure do love curly fries…

 

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