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A bit about umbrellas…

Today it was raining when I came into work. It is really rather dreary outside! The problem is, that I am not built for umbrellas. You see, I am tall and skinny, and with big feet. The only one of those three attributes that works to my benefit is the skinny part. My little umbrella does a fantastic job… I applaud its efforts, but I am a little worried that its quota of raindrops stopped from hitting me is suffering a little more than should be.

Because I am tall, there is not a short distance between the umbrella and my feet. If there is any wind, I might as well not have any umbrella at all. The rain drops will come in at an angle, and I will do my best to get my umbrella perfectly into the wind in order to catch all the drops, but to no avail, my umbrella fails me. By the time I walk to wherever my feet are taking me, my pants are wet, at least from the knee down. Wet pants are no fun, ask any one-year-old.

Because of my big feet, I can’t for the life of me keep them dry. There will be a gentle mist coming down from the sky, more beautiful than weatherly, but by the time I walk into the building of choice… my socks are wet. There is no stopping it, really! Whether I am kicking up puddles or getting hit by stray raindrops that missed the umbrella, there’s no matter, my socks are wet. No one likes wet socks, as any boy scout.

Another note on my feet (slightly on the side)…
Every day when I go into work, I trip on my feet. Regardless of when I get to work, I park in the far lot so that I have to cross a little bridge over a creak to get into the building. Call me crazy, but I like walking past the creek every day (even if it means a few extra steps). Unfortunately, I sit on the complete opposite side of the enormously long building. While walking down the hallway (which I can only describe as an airport terminal) I almost always trip over my feet. Fortunately for me they are usually just little trips and I catch myself after only a stumble. But believe me, there have been some close calls to wipeouts. The problem is I just don’t lift my toes high enough. Left food forward… push it back… bring it forward… ooops… there’s the trip. Either foot, it doesn’t matter. Occasionally I’ll make the long walk to the cube without any worries and no trips. But then it scares me even more… cause I know for sure, with the laws of nature, that I am going to trip at least once that day. I would much rather it be in the morning while walking in, than after pouring a nice hot cup of coffee… or after picking up a million papers from the printer. You know what I’m saying? It is scary!

So back to umbrellas…
Them and I just don’t get along. One option I guess is to buy a bigger umbrella… it would help keep me dry. But I really don’t want to be one of those people that have those super big umbrella’s just for themselves. When walking down the sidewalk I don’t want other people to feel like they have to move out into the street to avoiding smacking umbrellas with me.

With great umbrella comes great responsibility…

Umbrellas are definitely a must in many situations… but I really think there might be something different. I should make it my life goal to ponder the next umbrella… something that will keep all people dry, whether tall, skinny, fat, short, awkwardly shaped, big feet… regardless… MY UMBRELLA WILL NOT JUDGE!

That is all…
– Jason

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